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What do dating, romance and love really mean for a Dalit woman in India today? An excerpt from ‘Swipe Me Left, I’m Dalit’, by Christina Dhanaraj.
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There is also a steady stream of discourse dedicated to how Indian women are gaining sexual agency, in that they are no longer hesitant when it comes to casual sex, being with married men, or having an open relationship. Hook-ups and casual dating, via an app or otherwise, are perceived to be creating a sex-positive culture for Indian women who may otherwise be inhibited from experiencing unbridled sexual pleasure inside or outside of a relationship.
Not all Dalit women cisgender, heterosexual, urban, and educated , who consider dating as a possible route to finding romantic partners, necessarily share the same experience. At the heart of a good, intimate relationship is the understanding that those involved in sustaining that bond are of value. But how is this value determined and who in the relationship determines it?
The highest value, as defined by Hinduism, has traditionally been ascribed to the Brahmin woman, followed by the Kshatriya, the Vaishya, and the Shudra. The modern-day ideal is also a savarna or a savarna-passing woman, who is typically light-skinned and able-bodied, belonging to a family that has monetary and social capital, and embodying qualities considered to be feminine. The farther one is from this ideal, the more undervalued she is perceived to be.
Dalit women who carry the double burden of gender and caste, and are one of the most socially undervalued in India, are therefore under constant pressure to project an acceptable version that mimics the savarna ideal. In a romantic pursuit or a partnership, we are expected to operate along a behavioural band that is far narrower than what is required of a non-Dalit woman.
And the price that is asked of us, in return for a semblance of normalcy, is our safety, dignity, and mental health. Dalit women are repeatedly stereotyped as:. Reification of the Dalit identity has led to the boxing of our existence, whose dimensions are solely defined by the savarna gaze.
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